Taking care

Hello all,
What a wild few weeks it has been. Last Sunday was mother´s day. It was a beautiful day, but for whatever reason, I had woken up in a sour mood. I had a dream about a friend the night before and realized how much I missed her. I made breakfast anyway, and was about to skype my mom and wish her a happy mother´s day, when I recieved a message from my dad telling me that my Grandmother had passed away. I read it a few times trying to make sence of it, and comprehend exactly what this meant. She had passed away, my dad and uncle were there, my mom and brother know, I now know, I am not there. I am here. Read it again. One more time, yes, yes it is real. Tears.
After the initial shock had worn off, tears seeped out of my internal reserve and flowed freely from me. My body enclosed itself around itself as if trying to squeeze the emotion out. After the sobbing subsided, I got in touch with my mom. We shared words and comfort. Soon after, my friend Peter came over to get money for the mattress my landlord bought from him. I gave him the money and we went up to the roof to hang. Peter immediately noticed, "ok, you are not happy, whats going on??" and when I told him the news,he immediately came to comfort me. He said beautiful words I will never forget "she´ll make you a strong woman, Celine". My roomates were all so wonderful as well, and full of hugs and nice words. Later, getting empenadas with Peter and eating them on a secret stairway overlooking the cerros of Valparaíso was a beautiful way to calm myself, and let my mind breathe.
Later on that day, I got in touch with my dad, and heard some great stories about my Grandmother that created nostalgic laughter. She was so witty, strong and sharp in mental and physical sentiments of the words. Her life I am sure was way different and crazier than anything I could have imagined, and will look forward to talking to her again someday in a different realm. Because she is gone physically, I know she is here spiritually, and am so thankful for that. After a night of good time spent with Peter and Margot, I felt whole again.
My Grandmother´s passing has brought many new sensations and I have been kneading this thought and idea of what it means to "take care". Take care of yourself. We say it as someone is leaving, or when giving advise or whatever. but how do we personify these wishes? My family and friends will often tell me to take care, and I will hear it without giving it proper respect. I still do little things that endanger me (little things like crossing the street without the proper sign, walking home alone, whatever...) and hardly realize, or realiseD (this is slowly working itself into the past tense) that taking care of myslef is also taking care of my family and friends.It would be devistating to everyone I love if something happened to me down here. Accidents happen, but how silly would it be if one day I decided not to wear my helmet or seatbelt, and joined my friends on the spiritual side??
I have been very blessed to have spent this time without anything bad happening,and now I am realizing that it is my responsibility to Take care of myself.
I will eat well and avoid illnesses, I will stay in good enough physical shape to avoid injuries. I do wear my bike helmet Every time I ride. I don´t get too involved in drinking or drugs, and do not do them often.
This is not only based off of personal choices, but also this great responsibility we have to Take Care of ourselves! We all have loved ones and family, and while we cannot control their actions or dispositions (my Grandmother was aged and had already lived a full, long life) we are only in control of ours. And we have to respect that. I CAN control how long my life lasts, and I know that freak accidents happen, but I also know theres a lot more shit to do before I cross over. Life happens, death happens, and in the meantime, take care.
Take care firstly of yourself, your personal relationship with YOU, and then others. Spread your light, and when it is dim, ask kindly for others to spread theirs. Give and recieve hugs with the same intention. Stay healthy and promote others to do the same. Take precautions! If you want to ride your skateboard 10000 mph down a hill, go for it. But wear a helmet! Live fully, wholly and well, and please know that everyone wants this of you. To be happy, live in the way you want to live, etc... But take care of yourself. Listen to your intuition, talk to your soul.
Do what you want to do and do it well, and may the sun rise upon you tomorrow. I have been to funerals for friends, and while it saddens me deeply, it also reaffirms the fleeting moments and instances that are life, and how beautiful that is. I don´t know what death will be like, and will probably not know for a very long time. So, Im gonna take my time here on this side for a while, and continue my journey softly and boldly.
Take care, yall...
chau chau