Helllllo all,
I can hardly believe I have waited all of 13 days before reflecting on the month of July.
Now: Using a friends computer to write these last few clicks while the sounds, smells and sights of Valpara{iso, Chile are a mi aldredor. (around me).
This month: When it came, I knew it would be really cu{atico. Starting in Chile, and ending in Colorado. HOW CRAZY!?!?!? But, igual it started off nice, I think I even went for a run the first day of July. I had a party on the 3rd, Saturday, that ended up really well, and lead into a surprisingly pleasaant and rainy 4th of July, complete with beers, bbqs friends and everything the 4th of July should be. My Mexican friend Mario hosted it for all of this friends from the US so that we could savour a little of our patriotism, and share delicious bbqed veggies and meats with people from France, USA, Mexico and various other places as well.
I Love: The diversity of the cultures here. I have truly met people from ALL over Europe, South Central and North America, Australia....And it is beautiful. Parties and streets are filled with different lenguas.
Today:I opened my wndow to find Portuguese speaking people passing by my street, and realized how normal it is for me to see people from all parts of the world, speaking in all different languages passing by. ( I live in a pretty "touristy" cerro anyways.)
VALPO: Is a beautiful, stressful, dirty, hectic, crazy, wonderful, inspiring, suffocating, surprising, stimulating, buzzing, shocking, colorful, hilly, stair-y, scary (ony because it rhymes with "stair-y")crazy mothafuckin place.
And: I love it, and will miss its energy.
ME VOY: now, but never, really. Valpo will always be here, always stay with me. and ONE DAY
ONE DAY: I will come back, I will see more of this and many other places, I will migrate de nuevo.
This MAY be my last entry while Im in Chile, but I doubt it will be my last one overall. I have a lot more to say, and have been pleased with the responsiveness of this blog, and the freedom of (somewhat annonymous) expression it has alowed. Thanks for reading, but know that beyond words, there are stories.
Love and chau,
Celine
martes, 13 de julio de 2010
lunes, 28 de junio de 2010
Dancing, Living. Mine, yours, ours
Hello all,
To refrain from using too many explicit words, I will just say that I can hardly ________ believe my time here is going by so _____ fast. Holy ______!!!! (Ok, maybe I should have just used them anyways...) But yea, wow. Friday marks just two short little weeks until I am transplanted back in Colorado, USA. I am.... Excited, to say the least... But, thats not the intention of this entry. The intention is this: movement.
I came across a quote just now that said "move the way you want to live". Y me gusta. We are all movers. I dance. That is my movement. Recently, my little dance workshop showed a portion of the dance we have been working on. We performed it as a part of the other workshops in this arts center called the Balmeceda that does free artsy workshops for whoever wants to join. Before the little performance, we met up and warmed up and then held hands in a circle for a little pre-stage chat lead by the great Instructor of the workshop, Nelson. He said some really nice words and expressed his gratitude for our participation, etc... He then opened up the dialogue to us to invite any comentairy we had as well. I expressed my thanks for the companionship of my fellow dancers, the direction of Nelson, and the wonderful oportunity it has been to dance together. Others expressed the same, and thanked Nelson for his "improvisation for creation" instructing technique.
Some words of his I will share- Dancing is just an expression of your personality, and we all have different and distinct personalities. This is why I (he) focus so much on improvisation because it is really just a self-exploration.
His words are amongst the many that I have recieved about dance and its relation to life and how we live and move inside of it. From Gabe Masson (another excellent instructor of mine)talking about "mistakes" was something along the lines of how we never really make them, rather we conflict our intentions. And if intentions are what guide us, then we have to go for it and follow those that are true to us. Wrong foot, wrong turn wrong move... Whatever. If I Intended to do That foot, that way, that turn... then thats it. Thats right, thats ok. That is correct.
Cool things Ive seen/heard/read/thought about lately...
ººº"All experiences will come. You just have to learn how to wait for them" And then the modification "All experiences will come. You just have to learn how to Look for them."
---A girl asked me if I had a "prince charming" waiting for me back home and my reply was "maybe. Maybe I do and just don´t know it yet". All in good timing.
ºººEverything I do, see, feel and experience is because I need to. Because it is and already has been within me, and each new day brings another part of me out and forth.
ºººOur bodies are just reflections of our experiences. Our eyes, laughs and expressions are the stories.
ººº"Those are some good people, Celine"- Peter.
ºººWatching the sun rise on my right and the moon set on my left as a bird´s shadow is drawn over the scattered reflection on the sea, "this is incredible".
ººº"If you didn´t trust yourself, you wouldn´t be here" and "So just LOVE the person you are next to"- Fiarella
ºººWE are bigger than our countries. Family and Friendship are bigger than time and space.
ººº Just enjoy everything. All the time.
So, thats where Im at. Just riding it out, moving, loving (and studying!) everything. Time is just time. It will not control me and I will not attempt to control it. As we cannot control the sea, nor the sky. I will live. Amongst, underneath, above and through all. And dance. Our dance, your dance and mine. And I will live. Our life, your life and mine.
And I will see so many of you very soon!
chau chau!
To refrain from using too many explicit words, I will just say that I can hardly ________ believe my time here is going by so _____ fast. Holy ______!!!! (Ok, maybe I should have just used them anyways...) But yea, wow. Friday marks just two short little weeks until I am transplanted back in Colorado, USA. I am.... Excited, to say the least... But, thats not the intention of this entry. The intention is this: movement.
I came across a quote just now that said "move the way you want to live". Y me gusta. We are all movers. I dance. That is my movement. Recently, my little dance workshop showed a portion of the dance we have been working on. We performed it as a part of the other workshops in this arts center called the Balmeceda that does free artsy workshops for whoever wants to join. Before the little performance, we met up and warmed up and then held hands in a circle for a little pre-stage chat lead by the great Instructor of the workshop, Nelson. He said some really nice words and expressed his gratitude for our participation, etc... He then opened up the dialogue to us to invite any comentairy we had as well. I expressed my thanks for the companionship of my fellow dancers, the direction of Nelson, and the wonderful oportunity it has been to dance together. Others expressed the same, and thanked Nelson for his "improvisation for creation" instructing technique.
Some words of his I will share- Dancing is just an expression of your personality, and we all have different and distinct personalities. This is why I (he) focus so much on improvisation because it is really just a self-exploration.
His words are amongst the many that I have recieved about dance and its relation to life and how we live and move inside of it. From Gabe Masson (another excellent instructor of mine)talking about "mistakes" was something along the lines of how we never really make them, rather we conflict our intentions. And if intentions are what guide us, then we have to go for it and follow those that are true to us. Wrong foot, wrong turn wrong move... Whatever. If I Intended to do That foot, that way, that turn... then thats it. Thats right, thats ok. That is correct.
Cool things Ive seen/heard/read/thought about lately...
ººº"All experiences will come. You just have to learn how to wait for them" And then the modification "All experiences will come. You just have to learn how to Look for them."
---A girl asked me if I had a "prince charming" waiting for me back home and my reply was "maybe. Maybe I do and just don´t know it yet". All in good timing.
ºººEverything I do, see, feel and experience is because I need to. Because it is and already has been within me, and each new day brings another part of me out and forth.
ºººOur bodies are just reflections of our experiences. Our eyes, laughs and expressions are the stories.
ººº"Those are some good people, Celine"- Peter.
ºººWatching the sun rise on my right and the moon set on my left as a bird´s shadow is drawn over the scattered reflection on the sea, "this is incredible".
ººº"If you didn´t trust yourself, you wouldn´t be here" and "So just LOVE the person you are next to"- Fiarella
ºººWE are bigger than our countries. Family and Friendship are bigger than time and space.
ººº Just enjoy everything. All the time.
So, thats where Im at. Just riding it out, moving, loving (and studying!) everything. Time is just time. It will not control me and I will not attempt to control it. As we cannot control the sea, nor the sky. I will live. Amongst, underneath, above and through all. And dance. Our dance, your dance and mine. And I will live. Our life, your life and mine.
And I will see so many of you very soon!
chau chau!
lunes, 14 de junio de 2010
Los Pacos
Hello all,
Many fences have been jumped, and many windows jumped out of while trying to avoid the people you do NOT want at a party- The POLICE. Although the band by the same name is really great (Sting is still so sexy!) the actual POLICE force is something, when you are 17 and drinking underage at a party, that you want nothing to do with. Trust me, I know.
So, fast forward a few years... I am now of legal drinking age, blah blah blah and those little flashlights the pacos use to point out your parafanalia still put rocks in my stomach. Here we are in Valpo, en route to a friend´s house after a long while of not doing much and trying to leave Peter´s. We decided to go one way instead of the other and ended up running into some fellow gringos along the path in this somewhat sketchy stairwell near one of the ascensores here. We chit chatted, and somewhere along the way a beer was opened and began to be amiably passed as we all played catch up for a bit. Then, ALL OF A SUDDEN we were Surrounded by lights and uniformed officers coming in from all sides! They marched from up, down and around the stairwell and had us traped like tuna from a fishing boat. (note: Dramatized a little...) Anyways, there were some Chilenos drinking as well, and once they got us all together, the realized we were surely foreigners. We spoke a mix of English and Spanish, as we thought English would be better to soften the blow or something(?). And, well, it worked. They brought our gringo squad to the other side of the stairs and told us that since we were foreigners that we were allowed to be let go and to please not drink openly in the streets again or we Would be fined.
huh, thats all??? Yup. Chile is known and respected for their upstanding and honest service people. (A Bolivian friend told me the only people in his country he does Not trust are the Cops)
I think my high-school mentality of "o shit the cops are here, we´re all ·/&$"%·("/ed!!!!!" may be coming to an end. And maybe thats why I got so many drinking tickets in the first place... I ran. I ran away (well, tried...) instead of facing the reality of my situation. Now that I am immune from any Underage drinking tickets, I actually see some value in at least trying to deterr kids from getting drunk in the streets, at parties with questionable older men, etc... But, at the same time it will still happen.People, kids especially, will experiment with drugs, alcohol, sports, food, hobbies, trends, whatever. Adolescent human nature allows this. At least on this end of the world it may be more acceptable or common. I fondly (and painfully) remember my host mom nursing a hangover for me when I first got here, and telling me that she has had a lot of practice both with herself and Christian- my younger host brother. I also remember talking about it the next day, and making fun of how drunk everyone was the night before... I think to be able to get into the discos her you have to be at least 15. Or hot. And thats all. And to "drink" its 18. or not. whatever. The whole alcohol culture down here is so different anyways. Its like everything else where it just doesn´t really matter. My host mom would be surprised if I came home anytime before 4 AM last semester. ¿Did I not have a good time??? ha, well I DID. time, space, alcohol, whatever... It is all relative and all invented.
..................................................
Well, in other thoughts... Ive got about a month left here. And.... wow, am kind of freaking out. Not for any particular reason, just excitement, happiness, joy, being anxious. Waiting and wondering while walking waterly through the rest of the days... I guess Im still waiting for that big break or something. Like someone holding that piece of ribbon at the end for me to break through. Like Yes! You did it, congrats. Here´s some gatorade and the rest of your life- don´t tire yet! go, go go!!! wow. All the resting and lazyness here is tiring! hm. well, yea. This is home. Me. this. is. home.
see you all soon, take care!
Chau chau!
Many fences have been jumped, and many windows jumped out of while trying to avoid the people you do NOT want at a party- The POLICE. Although the band by the same name is really great (Sting is still so sexy!) the actual POLICE force is something, when you are 17 and drinking underage at a party, that you want nothing to do with. Trust me, I know.
So, fast forward a few years... I am now of legal drinking age, blah blah blah and those little flashlights the pacos use to point out your parafanalia still put rocks in my stomach. Here we are in Valpo, en route to a friend´s house after a long while of not doing much and trying to leave Peter´s. We decided to go one way instead of the other and ended up running into some fellow gringos along the path in this somewhat sketchy stairwell near one of the ascensores here. We chit chatted, and somewhere along the way a beer was opened and began to be amiably passed as we all played catch up for a bit. Then, ALL OF A SUDDEN we were Surrounded by lights and uniformed officers coming in from all sides! They marched from up, down and around the stairwell and had us traped like tuna from a fishing boat. (note: Dramatized a little...) Anyways, there were some Chilenos drinking as well, and once they got us all together, the realized we were surely foreigners. We spoke a mix of English and Spanish, as we thought English would be better to soften the blow or something(?). And, well, it worked. They brought our gringo squad to the other side of the stairs and told us that since we were foreigners that we were allowed to be let go and to please not drink openly in the streets again or we Would be fined.
huh, thats all??? Yup. Chile is known and respected for their upstanding and honest service people. (A Bolivian friend told me the only people in his country he does Not trust are the Cops)
I think my high-school mentality of "o shit the cops are here, we´re all ·/&$"%·("/ed!!!!!" may be coming to an end. And maybe thats why I got so many drinking tickets in the first place... I ran. I ran away (well, tried...) instead of facing the reality of my situation. Now that I am immune from any Underage drinking tickets, I actually see some value in at least trying to deterr kids from getting drunk in the streets, at parties with questionable older men, etc... But, at the same time it will still happen.People, kids especially, will experiment with drugs, alcohol, sports, food, hobbies, trends, whatever. Adolescent human nature allows this. At least on this end of the world it may be more acceptable or common. I fondly (and painfully) remember my host mom nursing a hangover for me when I first got here, and telling me that she has had a lot of practice both with herself and Christian- my younger host brother. I also remember talking about it the next day, and making fun of how drunk everyone was the night before... I think to be able to get into the discos her you have to be at least 15. Or hot. And thats all. And to "drink" its 18. or not. whatever. The whole alcohol culture down here is so different anyways. Its like everything else where it just doesn´t really matter. My host mom would be surprised if I came home anytime before 4 AM last semester. ¿Did I not have a good time??? ha, well I DID. time, space, alcohol, whatever... It is all relative and all invented.
..................................................
Well, in other thoughts... Ive got about a month left here. And.... wow, am kind of freaking out. Not for any particular reason, just excitement, happiness, joy, being anxious. Waiting and wondering while walking waterly through the rest of the days... I guess Im still waiting for that big break or something. Like someone holding that piece of ribbon at the end for me to break through. Like Yes! You did it, congrats. Here´s some gatorade and the rest of your life- don´t tire yet! go, go go!!! wow. All the resting and lazyness here is tiring! hm. well, yea. This is home. Me. this. is. home.
see you all soon, take care!
Chau chau!
lunes, 31 de mayo de 2010
BirthDay
Hello all!
I am FINALLY 21! This now means that I can officially go to any concert, bar, liquor store and club in the USA and get Wasteeeddddd!!!!!!ha, just kidding about the getting wasted part. But really, it will be nice to not have my "maturity" questioned every time I want to go somewhere. I remember last summer when Mama´s Cookin came to Boulder and their show was 21 and up and I was SO pissed because its one of my favorite bands and my ID would not allow me to see them. So now, I may get down freely.
Im glad, also that it won´t be such a huge change to go back to the US and be able to do all of the things I already do here without being questioned. But now that I am 21, I actually DO feel a little older, wiser and overall good-er. I do feel more responsible for my actions, aware of my self and how the things I do effect the world around me, and a little more mature as well. The days before and after my birthday were really nice reflecting days for me to take a look back at the last year, and everything that has happened. It has been a good time to set more intentions for what I want out of this life with all of the new, old, and un-conventional wisdom I have accumulated and will continue to add on. Ive always loved my birthday. I think part of that comes from all the sweet parties I had when I was little, and how much fun they all were for me. And continuing that now being 21 has been great. There was a moment, on my actual birthday when I was painting my face for the costume party I was about to have when I realized that, maybe I haven´t changed much at all since I was a little girl; playing dress-up, painting my face and having a silly party (only more narcotics were involved this time). So, here are some highlights for how I celebrated the BIG 21. It was a whole weekend of fun, music, friends and all-of-a-sudden being 6 am.
Thursday night: Two girls from my program plus 2 Chilenos played an Awesome concert at this little bar in Viña. They all sounded so good,and had a sweet set. I got a free birthday drink, and a discounted one for Margot, too :). At midnight, everyone sang Happy Birthday to me and it was just great. Then, after a few other birthday "presens" (aka: tequila shots and Piscolas) we decided to go to Valpo and maybe do some dancing. So, we went and the club was expensive, so I snuck in to see what the scene was like and if it was even Vale la Pena to go in. I checked it out and it wasnt that great, so snuck back out and decided to go to another bar. This bar, Coyote Quemado usually has me walk in, and stumble out. As it was my birthday, I got Another free drink, and finally resisted ANY MORE Drinks! So, they were closing all of a sudden (is it Really 4:30???) and finally went home.
Friday: Woke up with my friends Jason and Sophie (who were staying with me for about 2 weeks- BTW they RULE!!!!) who made me a delicious birthday breakfast (Jason is a professional Chef!) and it was great. I was feeling a bit woozy, but went to class in Viña anyways. After that I attempted going to my Dance workshop but was moving pretty slowly. I knew once we started to do salsa and move our hips and stomach´s that I should probably go home and recover for a bit before my party that night. So I did,and my instructor understood. (I love Chileans...). So, I came home and felt shitty for a bit-damn those sugary drinks! But eventually got better and ate the blissful Baked Macaroni and Cheeze with Mashed Potatoes that Jason made :). THEN it was Party Time! "Dress up or pants off". I wasn´t sure exactly what to be, but morphed into a Butterfly costume. Face paint and all.
The party was Great and so many people came! nearly everyone was dressed up, and I knew at about 6AM when my neighbor was playing me Happy Birthday on the violin he just happened to have and be Amazing at playing, that it had been a successful Birthday. Violin friend and everyone else were jamming on instruments creating beautiful music, I was dancing, and the remaining people were just enjoying themselves. Perfect.
Saturday: I SOMEHOW woke up really early with like 8 people sleeping in my room, and managed to have a somewhat productive day and go to my host family´s house for a little birthday dinner. It was so lovely, and I felt so blessed to have them in my life,and to continue to share a beautiful relationship with them. Afterwards, I went out and met up with Sophie and Jason in Viña and went to a bar I hadn´t been to in a while. One of Sophie´s firneds came, and as they were catching up, Jason and I had one of the most incredible conversations. We went SO many places from the War to cigarettes, to stretching to God (or, "God") to family.... Just Everything. We were totally vibing,and it was great. Sophie went off with her friend and Jason and I went back to the place they were staying where I ended up staying as well. Sophie came home eventually and we all noticed that it was about 6 Am. And here we were just chatting all the while! Great.
The next day, Sunday, I was still in Viña and decided to take advantage of the Ocean. So, I stripped down to my sports bra and shorts,and took a transformative, metaphorical dip in the cooooooold Pacific. It was beautiful, and brought me back.
Then, from Viña I walked home to Valpo, helped my roomate move her stuff out, talked with my new roomates for next semester, and Finally went to sleep. Before 6 am.
phew. What a weekend it was!
Now: Last day of May. June will fly, and July will come. I will eventually part ways momentarily with this Country and go back to the one I know best. Ill probably have my freak-outs and feel strange, etc... But, DUH! I think it is my crazyness that keeps me sane, after all. So, happy birth day to me, happy birth day to you, too.
Chau Chau!
I am FINALLY 21! This now means that I can officially go to any concert, bar, liquor store and club in the USA and get Wasteeeddddd!!!!!!ha, just kidding about the getting wasted part. But really, it will be nice to not have my "maturity" questioned every time I want to go somewhere. I remember last summer when Mama´s Cookin came to Boulder and their show was 21 and up and I was SO pissed because its one of my favorite bands and my ID would not allow me to see them. So now, I may get down freely.
Im glad, also that it won´t be such a huge change to go back to the US and be able to do all of the things I already do here without being questioned. But now that I am 21, I actually DO feel a little older, wiser and overall good-er. I do feel more responsible for my actions, aware of my self and how the things I do effect the world around me, and a little more mature as well. The days before and after my birthday were really nice reflecting days for me to take a look back at the last year, and everything that has happened. It has been a good time to set more intentions for what I want out of this life with all of the new, old, and un-conventional wisdom I have accumulated and will continue to add on. Ive always loved my birthday. I think part of that comes from all the sweet parties I had when I was little, and how much fun they all were for me. And continuing that now being 21 has been great. There was a moment, on my actual birthday when I was painting my face for the costume party I was about to have when I realized that, maybe I haven´t changed much at all since I was a little girl; playing dress-up, painting my face and having a silly party (only more narcotics were involved this time). So, here are some highlights for how I celebrated the BIG 21. It was a whole weekend of fun, music, friends and all-of-a-sudden being 6 am.
Thursday night: Two girls from my program plus 2 Chilenos played an Awesome concert at this little bar in Viña. They all sounded so good,and had a sweet set. I got a free birthday drink, and a discounted one for Margot, too :). At midnight, everyone sang Happy Birthday to me and it was just great. Then, after a few other birthday "presens" (aka: tequila shots and Piscolas) we decided to go to Valpo and maybe do some dancing. So, we went and the club was expensive, so I snuck in to see what the scene was like and if it was even Vale la Pena to go in. I checked it out and it wasnt that great, so snuck back out and decided to go to another bar. This bar, Coyote Quemado usually has me walk in, and stumble out. As it was my birthday, I got Another free drink, and finally resisted ANY MORE Drinks! So, they were closing all of a sudden (is it Really 4:30???) and finally went home.
Friday: Woke up with my friends Jason and Sophie (who were staying with me for about 2 weeks- BTW they RULE!!!!) who made me a delicious birthday breakfast (Jason is a professional Chef!) and it was great. I was feeling a bit woozy, but went to class in Viña anyways. After that I attempted going to my Dance workshop but was moving pretty slowly. I knew once we started to do salsa and move our hips and stomach´s that I should probably go home and recover for a bit before my party that night. So I did,and my instructor understood. (I love Chileans...). So, I came home and felt shitty for a bit-damn those sugary drinks! But eventually got better and ate the blissful Baked Macaroni and Cheeze with Mashed Potatoes that Jason made :). THEN it was Party Time! "Dress up or pants off". I wasn´t sure exactly what to be, but morphed into a Butterfly costume. Face paint and all.
The party was Great and so many people came! nearly everyone was dressed up, and I knew at about 6AM when my neighbor was playing me Happy Birthday on the violin he just happened to have and be Amazing at playing, that it had been a successful Birthday. Violin friend and everyone else were jamming on instruments creating beautiful music, I was dancing, and the remaining people were just enjoying themselves. Perfect.
Saturday: I SOMEHOW woke up really early with like 8 people sleeping in my room, and managed to have a somewhat productive day and go to my host family´s house for a little birthday dinner. It was so lovely, and I felt so blessed to have them in my life,and to continue to share a beautiful relationship with them. Afterwards, I went out and met up with Sophie and Jason in Viña and went to a bar I hadn´t been to in a while. One of Sophie´s firneds came, and as they were catching up, Jason and I had one of the most incredible conversations. We went SO many places from the War to cigarettes, to stretching to God (or, "God") to family.... Just Everything. We were totally vibing,and it was great. Sophie went off with her friend and Jason and I went back to the place they were staying where I ended up staying as well. Sophie came home eventually and we all noticed that it was about 6 Am. And here we were just chatting all the while! Great.
The next day, Sunday, I was still in Viña and decided to take advantage of the Ocean. So, I stripped down to my sports bra and shorts,and took a transformative, metaphorical dip in the cooooooold Pacific. It was beautiful, and brought me back.
Then, from Viña I walked home to Valpo, helped my roomate move her stuff out, talked with my new roomates for next semester, and Finally went to sleep. Before 6 am.
phew. What a weekend it was!
Now: Last day of May. June will fly, and July will come. I will eventually part ways momentarily with this Country and go back to the one I know best. Ill probably have my freak-outs and feel strange, etc... But, DUH! I think it is my crazyness that keeps me sane, after all. So, happy birth day to me, happy birth day to you, too.
Chau Chau!
domingo, 16 de mayo de 2010
Taking care
Hello all,
What a wild few weeks it has been. Last Sunday was mother´s day. It was a beautiful day, but for whatever reason, I had woken up in a sour mood. I had a dream about a friend the night before and realized how much I missed her. I made breakfast anyway, and was about to skype my mom and wish her a happy mother´s day, when I recieved a message from my dad telling me that my Grandmother had passed away. I read it a few times trying to make sence of it, and comprehend exactly what this meant. She had passed away, my dad and uncle were there, my mom and brother know, I now know, I am not there. I am here. Read it again. One more time, yes, yes it is real. Tears.
After the initial shock had worn off, tears seeped out of my internal reserve and flowed freely from me. My body enclosed itself around itself as if trying to squeeze the emotion out. After the sobbing subsided, I got in touch with my mom. We shared words and comfort. Soon after, my friend Peter came over to get money for the mattress my landlord bought from him. I gave him the money and we went up to the roof to hang. Peter immediately noticed, "ok, you are not happy, whats going on??" and when I told him the news,he immediately came to comfort me. He said beautiful words I will never forget "she´ll make you a strong woman, Celine". My roomates were all so wonderful as well, and full of hugs and nice words. Later, getting empenadas with Peter and eating them on a secret stairway overlooking the cerros of Valparaíso was a beautiful way to calm myself, and let my mind breathe.
Later on that day, I got in touch with my dad, and heard some great stories about my Grandmother that created nostalgic laughter. She was so witty, strong and sharp in mental and physical sentiments of the words. Her life I am sure was way different and crazier than anything I could have imagined, and will look forward to talking to her again someday in a different realm. Because she is gone physically, I know she is here spiritually, and am so thankful for that. After a night of good time spent with Peter and Margot, I felt whole again.
My Grandmother´s passing has brought many new sensations and I have been kneading this thought and idea of what it means to "take care". Take care of yourself. We say it as someone is leaving, or when giving advise or whatever. but how do we personify these wishes? My family and friends will often tell me to take care, and I will hear it without giving it proper respect. I still do little things that endanger me (little things like crossing the street without the proper sign, walking home alone, whatever...) and hardly realize, or realiseD (this is slowly working itself into the past tense) that taking care of myslef is also taking care of my family and friends.It would be devistating to everyone I love if something happened to me down here. Accidents happen, but how silly would it be if one day I decided not to wear my helmet or seatbelt, and joined my friends on the spiritual side??
I have been very blessed to have spent this time without anything bad happening,and now I am realizing that it is my responsibility to Take care of myself.
I will eat well and avoid illnesses, I will stay in good enough physical shape to avoid injuries. I do wear my bike helmet Every time I ride. I don´t get too involved in drinking or drugs, and do not do them often.
This is not only based off of personal choices, but also this great responsibility we have to Take Care of ourselves! We all have loved ones and family, and while we cannot control their actions or dispositions (my Grandmother was aged and had already lived a full, long life) we are only in control of ours. And we have to respect that. I CAN control how long my life lasts, and I know that freak accidents happen, but I also know theres a lot more shit to do before I cross over. Life happens, death happens, and in the meantime, take care.
Take care firstly of yourself, your personal relationship with YOU, and then others. Spread your light, and when it is dim, ask kindly for others to spread theirs. Give and recieve hugs with the same intention. Stay healthy and promote others to do the same. Take precautions! If you want to ride your skateboard 10000 mph down a hill, go for it. But wear a helmet! Live fully, wholly and well, and please know that everyone wants this of you. To be happy, live in the way you want to live, etc... But take care of yourself. Listen to your intuition, talk to your soul.
Do what you want to do and do it well, and may the sun rise upon you tomorrow. I have been to funerals for friends, and while it saddens me deeply, it also reaffirms the fleeting moments and instances that are life, and how beautiful that is. I don´t know what death will be like, and will probably not know for a very long time. So, Im gonna take my time here on this side for a while, and continue my journey softly and boldly.
Take care, yall...
chau chau
What a wild few weeks it has been. Last Sunday was mother´s day. It was a beautiful day, but for whatever reason, I had woken up in a sour mood. I had a dream about a friend the night before and realized how much I missed her. I made breakfast anyway, and was about to skype my mom and wish her a happy mother´s day, when I recieved a message from my dad telling me that my Grandmother had passed away. I read it a few times trying to make sence of it, and comprehend exactly what this meant. She had passed away, my dad and uncle were there, my mom and brother know, I now know, I am not there. I am here. Read it again. One more time, yes, yes it is real. Tears.
After the initial shock had worn off, tears seeped out of my internal reserve and flowed freely from me. My body enclosed itself around itself as if trying to squeeze the emotion out. After the sobbing subsided, I got in touch with my mom. We shared words and comfort. Soon after, my friend Peter came over to get money for the mattress my landlord bought from him. I gave him the money and we went up to the roof to hang. Peter immediately noticed, "ok, you are not happy, whats going on??" and when I told him the news,he immediately came to comfort me. He said beautiful words I will never forget "she´ll make you a strong woman, Celine". My roomates were all so wonderful as well, and full of hugs and nice words. Later, getting empenadas with Peter and eating them on a secret stairway overlooking the cerros of Valparaíso was a beautiful way to calm myself, and let my mind breathe.
Later on that day, I got in touch with my dad, and heard some great stories about my Grandmother that created nostalgic laughter. She was so witty, strong and sharp in mental and physical sentiments of the words. Her life I am sure was way different and crazier than anything I could have imagined, and will look forward to talking to her again someday in a different realm. Because she is gone physically, I know she is here spiritually, and am so thankful for that. After a night of good time spent with Peter and Margot, I felt whole again.
My Grandmother´s passing has brought many new sensations and I have been kneading this thought and idea of what it means to "take care". Take care of yourself. We say it as someone is leaving, or when giving advise or whatever. but how do we personify these wishes? My family and friends will often tell me to take care, and I will hear it without giving it proper respect. I still do little things that endanger me (little things like crossing the street without the proper sign, walking home alone, whatever...) and hardly realize, or realiseD (this is slowly working itself into the past tense) that taking care of myslef is also taking care of my family and friends.It would be devistating to everyone I love if something happened to me down here. Accidents happen, but how silly would it be if one day I decided not to wear my helmet or seatbelt, and joined my friends on the spiritual side??
I have been very blessed to have spent this time without anything bad happening,and now I am realizing that it is my responsibility to Take care of myself.
I will eat well and avoid illnesses, I will stay in good enough physical shape to avoid injuries. I do wear my bike helmet Every time I ride. I don´t get too involved in drinking or drugs, and do not do them often.
This is not only based off of personal choices, but also this great responsibility we have to Take Care of ourselves! We all have loved ones and family, and while we cannot control their actions or dispositions (my Grandmother was aged and had already lived a full, long life) we are only in control of ours. And we have to respect that. I CAN control how long my life lasts, and I know that freak accidents happen, but I also know theres a lot more shit to do before I cross over. Life happens, death happens, and in the meantime, take care.
Take care firstly of yourself, your personal relationship with YOU, and then others. Spread your light, and when it is dim, ask kindly for others to spread theirs. Give and recieve hugs with the same intention. Stay healthy and promote others to do the same. Take precautions! If you want to ride your skateboard 10000 mph down a hill, go for it. But wear a helmet! Live fully, wholly and well, and please know that everyone wants this of you. To be happy, live in the way you want to live, etc... But take care of yourself. Listen to your intuition, talk to your soul.
Do what you want to do and do it well, and may the sun rise upon you tomorrow. I have been to funerals for friends, and while it saddens me deeply, it also reaffirms the fleeting moments and instances that are life, and how beautiful that is. I don´t know what death will be like, and will probably not know for a very long time. So, Im gonna take my time here on this side for a while, and continue my journey softly and boldly.
Take care, yall...
chau chau
viernes, 7 de mayo de 2010
Gettin Down
Hello All!
Last night was really fun. After eating onces (like a pre-dinner) with my friend Noah, we went out with some of my roomates to a new bar called La Playa. There, we encountered Belly dancers, majicians and a really good live string band who all took turns performing throughout the night. The belly dancing was really fun to watch, as their costumes were so elaborate and movements so fluid! The majicians were pretty good (one definately better than the other) and the BAND! wooohooo! man, it was fun. It has been SO long since Ive heard some good ole string music. There was a violinist, bass guitarrist and two other guitars (maybe???) and they played songs as close to bluegrass as South America can get! haha. Naturally, the music moved us, and soon we were just Gettin Down in the bar dance floor. It was a hoot. I think a lot of people didnt really know what to do with the music, and therefore werent as into dancing as us, but, igual, it was a great vibe.
And speaking of great vibes....
MAN have I been feeling them lately! woo! I just feel good. It has been sunny and nice here the past couple of days, and today I rode my bike to Viña along the coast listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn which ruled. On the way back, I stoped for a reflective ocean sunset moment and thanked everything for all that I was seeing and experiencing at that exact moment. My new place, a new home, new ground and ocean.
...Also on the way home, I saw and chatted with a girl from my program. She was really upset because she had missed a volunteering session due to a bad migrane, and one of the organizers had kind of come down on her for not going. Being her first semester here, she was just really frusterated with not being able to communicate how she was feeling emotionally to her family here and the program organizers, etc... There was a moment where she "melted" and kind of began to cry, at which I gave her a big hug and nice words. Her moment passed, and we continued to chat about the difficulty of trying and explaining deep, complex emotions in another language. She got better, and eventually appologized for her momentary meltdown. I told her an appology was not necessiary.
Later, I was thinking about why we appologize for the very moments that make us human. If we bitch to a friend about something that happened, or talk about things that bother us or cry... We appologize, "ugh, sorry...". But why??
Ive noticed down here that people dont say "sorry" as much. It is more "excuse me, too bad, etc..." but not "sorry". Unless you do something bad. (vague, I know but I think Im losing a little writing steam here.....)
So anyways, maybe instead of appologizing for our emotions, we should just leave them alone. Leave them as they are. Maybe then we could express what really needs to be expressed. In any language.
Chau chau!
Last night was really fun. After eating onces (like a pre-dinner) with my friend Noah, we went out with some of my roomates to a new bar called La Playa. There, we encountered Belly dancers, majicians and a really good live string band who all took turns performing throughout the night. The belly dancing was really fun to watch, as their costumes were so elaborate and movements so fluid! The majicians were pretty good (one definately better than the other) and the BAND! wooohooo! man, it was fun. It has been SO long since Ive heard some good ole string music. There was a violinist, bass guitarrist and two other guitars (maybe???) and they played songs as close to bluegrass as South America can get! haha. Naturally, the music moved us, and soon we were just Gettin Down in the bar dance floor. It was a hoot. I think a lot of people didnt really know what to do with the music, and therefore werent as into dancing as us, but, igual, it was a great vibe.
And speaking of great vibes....
MAN have I been feeling them lately! woo! I just feel good. It has been sunny and nice here the past couple of days, and today I rode my bike to Viña along the coast listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn which ruled. On the way back, I stoped for a reflective ocean sunset moment and thanked everything for all that I was seeing and experiencing at that exact moment. My new place, a new home, new ground and ocean.
...Also on the way home, I saw and chatted with a girl from my program. She was really upset because she had missed a volunteering session due to a bad migrane, and one of the organizers had kind of come down on her for not going. Being her first semester here, she was just really frusterated with not being able to communicate how she was feeling emotionally to her family here and the program organizers, etc... There was a moment where she "melted" and kind of began to cry, at which I gave her a big hug and nice words. Her moment passed, and we continued to chat about the difficulty of trying and explaining deep, complex emotions in another language. She got better, and eventually appologized for her momentary meltdown. I told her an appology was not necessiary.
Later, I was thinking about why we appologize for the very moments that make us human. If we bitch to a friend about something that happened, or talk about things that bother us or cry... We appologize, "ugh, sorry...". But why??
Ive noticed down here that people dont say "sorry" as much. It is more "excuse me, too bad, etc..." but not "sorry". Unless you do something bad. (vague, I know but I think Im losing a little writing steam here.....)
So anyways, maybe instead of appologizing for our emotions, we should just leave them alone. Leave them as they are. Maybe then we could express what really needs to be expressed. In any language.
Chau chau!
sábado, 1 de mayo de 2010
May
Hello all,
For whatever reason, I remember the 1st of May last year very clearly. It was raining,and I was in such high spirits that I was singing and wishing everybody on campus a "HAPPY MAY!!".May has always been one of my favorite months. Becides the fact (or maybe because of it) that my birthday is this month, I always associate it with nice weather, school getting out, and summer getting in. Oh summer! May changes the seasons, brings a new year to my life, and usually new breath and air to whatever it is I need to have aired out.
This May will hopefully not be any different. It will be colder, sure, but it is also the enterance into another season. And as my time here in this other place is slowly wrapping its fingers around me to carry me up there, I think- what WILL this month be? What do I want from it??
I met a new artist friend, so Id like to get into some more artsy things.... And well, just enjoy my time here. I have spent a lot of days here happy, sad, missing home and never wanting to go back. So now, this season, I am just going to love. Love the minutes, love the days, love the feezing weather, love. It all. Love it all. And experience it. I think sometimes I (we)may stop or slow ourselves down from loving because we know it may hurt when that thing we once loved may no longer be there. We push away friends, lovers (guilty), exeriences for fear that if we love it too deeply, we may just fall forever, and never come out the other side the same as when we came in. But isnt that the point? To change?? How can we, as feeling beings, not want to truly feel something for fear that it May, in fact change us in the end? I know leaving this place will cause me great sorrow, but I know the great joy I have felt here will balance it out. Grateful I am to be able to feel it all. Good and "bad" the highs and lows of everything, everyday. And it will only continue. I will miss Chile, but it will go on. I will go on.
So May, bring it. Light, night, happy sad, whatever. I will love you. I will let myself love you, deeply and without holding back. Thank you, I love you.
Love love love.
thats all.
Chau!
For whatever reason, I remember the 1st of May last year very clearly. It was raining,and I was in such high spirits that I was singing and wishing everybody on campus a "HAPPY MAY!!".May has always been one of my favorite months. Becides the fact (or maybe because of it) that my birthday is this month, I always associate it with nice weather, school getting out, and summer getting in. Oh summer! May changes the seasons, brings a new year to my life, and usually new breath and air to whatever it is I need to have aired out.
This May will hopefully not be any different. It will be colder, sure, but it is also the enterance into another season. And as my time here in this other place is slowly wrapping its fingers around me to carry me up there, I think- what WILL this month be? What do I want from it??
I met a new artist friend, so Id like to get into some more artsy things.... And well, just enjoy my time here. I have spent a lot of days here happy, sad, missing home and never wanting to go back. So now, this season, I am just going to love. Love the minutes, love the days, love the feezing weather, love. It all. Love it all. And experience it. I think sometimes I (we)may stop or slow ourselves down from loving because we know it may hurt when that thing we once loved may no longer be there. We push away friends, lovers (guilty), exeriences for fear that if we love it too deeply, we may just fall forever, and never come out the other side the same as when we came in. But isnt that the point? To change?? How can we, as feeling beings, not want to truly feel something for fear that it May, in fact change us in the end? I know leaving this place will cause me great sorrow, but I know the great joy I have felt here will balance it out. Grateful I am to be able to feel it all. Good and "bad" the highs and lows of everything, everyday. And it will only continue. I will miss Chile, but it will go on. I will go on.
So May, bring it. Light, night, happy sad, whatever. I will love you. I will let myself love you, deeply and without holding back. Thank you, I love you.
Love love love.
thats all.
Chau!
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