May

Hello all,
For whatever reason, I remember the 1st of May last year very clearly. It was raining,and I was in such high spirits that I was singing and wishing everybody on campus a "HAPPY MAY!!".May has always been one of my favorite months. Becides the fact (or maybe because of it) that my birthday is this month, I always associate it with nice weather, school getting out, and summer getting in. Oh summer! May changes the seasons, brings a new year to my life, and usually new breath and air to whatever it is I need to have aired out.
This May will hopefully not be any different. It will be colder, sure, but it is also the enterance into another season. And as my time here in this other place is slowly wrapping its fingers around me to carry me up there, I think- what WILL this month be? What do I want from it??
I met a new artist friend, so Id like to get into some more artsy things.... And well, just enjoy my time here. I have spent a lot of days here happy, sad, missing home and never wanting to go back. So now, this season, I am just going to love. Love the minutes, love the days, love the feezing weather, love. It all. Love it all. And experience it. I think sometimes I (we)may stop or slow ourselves down from loving because we know it may hurt when that thing we once loved may no longer be there. We push away friends, lovers (guilty), exeriences for fear that if we love it too deeply, we may just fall forever, and never come out the other side the same as when we came in. But isnt that the point? To change?? How can we, as feeling beings, not want to truly feel something for fear that it May, in fact change us in the end? I know leaving this place will cause me great sorrow, but I know the great joy I have felt here will balance it out. Grateful I am to be able to feel it all. Good and "bad" the highs and lows of everything, everyday. And it will only continue. I will miss Chile, but it will go on. I will go on.
So May, bring it. Light, night, happy sad, whatever. I will love you. I will let myself love you, deeply and without holding back. Thank you, I love you.
Love love love.
thats all.
Chau!