Hello all!
I am FINALLY 21! This now means that I can officially go to any concert, bar, liquor store and club in the USA and get Wasteeeddddd!!!!!!ha, just kidding about the getting wasted part. But really, it will be nice to not have my "maturity" questioned every time I want to go somewhere. I remember last summer when Mama´s Cookin came to Boulder and their show was 21 and up and I was SO pissed because its one of my favorite bands and my ID would not allow me to see them. So now, I may get down freely.
Im glad, also that it won´t be such a huge change to go back to the US and be able to do all of the things I already do here without being questioned. But now that I am 21, I actually DO feel a little older, wiser and overall good-er. I do feel more responsible for my actions, aware of my self and how the things I do effect the world around me, and a little more mature as well. The days before and after my birthday were really nice reflecting days for me to take a look back at the last year, and everything that has happened. It has been a good time to set more intentions for what I want out of this life with all of the new, old, and un-conventional wisdom I have accumulated and will continue to add on. Ive always loved my birthday. I think part of that comes from all the sweet parties I had when I was little, and how much fun they all were for me. And continuing that now being 21 has been great. There was a moment, on my actual birthday when I was painting my face for the costume party I was about to have when I realized that, maybe I haven´t changed much at all since I was a little girl; playing dress-up, painting my face and having a silly party (only more narcotics were involved this time). So, here are some highlights for how I celebrated the BIG 21. It was a whole weekend of fun, music, friends and all-of-a-sudden being 6 am.
Thursday night: Two girls from my program plus 2 Chilenos played an Awesome concert at this little bar in Viña. They all sounded so good,and had a sweet set. I got a free birthday drink, and a discounted one for Margot, too :). At midnight, everyone sang Happy Birthday to me and it was just great. Then, after a few other birthday "presens" (aka: tequila shots and Piscolas) we decided to go to Valpo and maybe do some dancing. So, we went and the club was expensive, so I snuck in to see what the scene was like and if it was even Vale la Pena to go in. I checked it out and it wasnt that great, so snuck back out and decided to go to another bar. This bar, Coyote Quemado usually has me walk in, and stumble out. As it was my birthday, I got Another free drink, and finally resisted ANY MORE Drinks! So, they were closing all of a sudden (is it Really 4:30???) and finally went home.
Friday: Woke up with my friends Jason and Sophie (who were staying with me for about 2 weeks- BTW they RULE!!!!) who made me a delicious birthday breakfast (Jason is a professional Chef!) and it was great. I was feeling a bit woozy, but went to class in Viña anyways. After that I attempted going to my Dance workshop but was moving pretty slowly. I knew once we started to do salsa and move our hips and stomach´s that I should probably go home and recover for a bit before my party that night. So I did,and my instructor understood. (I love Chileans...). So, I came home and felt shitty for a bit-damn those sugary drinks! But eventually got better and ate the blissful Baked Macaroni and Cheeze with Mashed Potatoes that Jason made :). THEN it was Party Time! "Dress up or pants off". I wasn´t sure exactly what to be, but morphed into a Butterfly costume. Face paint and all.
The party was Great and so many people came! nearly everyone was dressed up, and I knew at about 6AM when my neighbor was playing me Happy Birthday on the violin he just happened to have and be Amazing at playing, that it had been a successful Birthday. Violin friend and everyone else were jamming on instruments creating beautiful music, I was dancing, and the remaining people were just enjoying themselves. Perfect.
Saturday: I SOMEHOW woke up really early with like 8 people sleeping in my room, and managed to have a somewhat productive day and go to my host family´s house for a little birthday dinner. It was so lovely, and I felt so blessed to have them in my life,and to continue to share a beautiful relationship with them. Afterwards, I went out and met up with Sophie and Jason in Viña and went to a bar I hadn´t been to in a while. One of Sophie´s firneds came, and as they were catching up, Jason and I had one of the most incredible conversations. We went SO many places from the War to cigarettes, to stretching to God (or, "God") to family.... Just Everything. We were totally vibing,and it was great. Sophie went off with her friend and Jason and I went back to the place they were staying where I ended up staying as well. Sophie came home eventually and we all noticed that it was about 6 Am. And here we were just chatting all the while! Great.
The next day, Sunday, I was still in Viña and decided to take advantage of the Ocean. So, I stripped down to my sports bra and shorts,and took a transformative, metaphorical dip in the cooooooold Pacific. It was beautiful, and brought me back.
Then, from Viña I walked home to Valpo, helped my roomate move her stuff out, talked with my new roomates for next semester, and Finally went to sleep. Before 6 am.
phew. What a weekend it was!
Now: Last day of May. June will fly, and July will come. I will eventually part ways momentarily with this Country and go back to the one I know best. Ill probably have my freak-outs and feel strange, etc... But, DUH! I think it is my crazyness that keeps me sane, after all. So, happy birth day to me, happy birth day to you, too.
Chau Chau!
lunes, 31 de mayo de 2010
domingo, 16 de mayo de 2010
Taking care
Hello all,
What a wild few weeks it has been. Last Sunday was mother´s day. It was a beautiful day, but for whatever reason, I had woken up in a sour mood. I had a dream about a friend the night before and realized how much I missed her. I made breakfast anyway, and was about to skype my mom and wish her a happy mother´s day, when I recieved a message from my dad telling me that my Grandmother had passed away. I read it a few times trying to make sence of it, and comprehend exactly what this meant. She had passed away, my dad and uncle were there, my mom and brother know, I now know, I am not there. I am here. Read it again. One more time, yes, yes it is real. Tears.
After the initial shock had worn off, tears seeped out of my internal reserve and flowed freely from me. My body enclosed itself around itself as if trying to squeeze the emotion out. After the sobbing subsided, I got in touch with my mom. We shared words and comfort. Soon after, my friend Peter came over to get money for the mattress my landlord bought from him. I gave him the money and we went up to the roof to hang. Peter immediately noticed, "ok, you are not happy, whats going on??" and when I told him the news,he immediately came to comfort me. He said beautiful words I will never forget "she´ll make you a strong woman, Celine". My roomates were all so wonderful as well, and full of hugs and nice words. Later, getting empenadas with Peter and eating them on a secret stairway overlooking the cerros of Valparaíso was a beautiful way to calm myself, and let my mind breathe.
Later on that day, I got in touch with my dad, and heard some great stories about my Grandmother that created nostalgic laughter. She was so witty, strong and sharp in mental and physical sentiments of the words. Her life I am sure was way different and crazier than anything I could have imagined, and will look forward to talking to her again someday in a different realm. Because she is gone physically, I know she is here spiritually, and am so thankful for that. After a night of good time spent with Peter and Margot, I felt whole again.
My Grandmother´s passing has brought many new sensations and I have been kneading this thought and idea of what it means to "take care". Take care of yourself. We say it as someone is leaving, or when giving advise or whatever. but how do we personify these wishes? My family and friends will often tell me to take care, and I will hear it without giving it proper respect. I still do little things that endanger me (little things like crossing the street without the proper sign, walking home alone, whatever...) and hardly realize, or realiseD (this is slowly working itself into the past tense) that taking care of myslef is also taking care of my family and friends.It would be devistating to everyone I love if something happened to me down here. Accidents happen, but how silly would it be if one day I decided not to wear my helmet or seatbelt, and joined my friends on the spiritual side??
I have been very blessed to have spent this time without anything bad happening,and now I am realizing that it is my responsibility to Take care of myself.
I will eat well and avoid illnesses, I will stay in good enough physical shape to avoid injuries. I do wear my bike helmet Every time I ride. I don´t get too involved in drinking or drugs, and do not do them often.
This is not only based off of personal choices, but also this great responsibility we have to Take Care of ourselves! We all have loved ones and family, and while we cannot control their actions or dispositions (my Grandmother was aged and had already lived a full, long life) we are only in control of ours. And we have to respect that. I CAN control how long my life lasts, and I know that freak accidents happen, but I also know theres a lot more shit to do before I cross over. Life happens, death happens, and in the meantime, take care.
Take care firstly of yourself, your personal relationship with YOU, and then others. Spread your light, and when it is dim, ask kindly for others to spread theirs. Give and recieve hugs with the same intention. Stay healthy and promote others to do the same. Take precautions! If you want to ride your skateboard 10000 mph down a hill, go for it. But wear a helmet! Live fully, wholly and well, and please know that everyone wants this of you. To be happy, live in the way you want to live, etc... But take care of yourself. Listen to your intuition, talk to your soul.
Do what you want to do and do it well, and may the sun rise upon you tomorrow. I have been to funerals for friends, and while it saddens me deeply, it also reaffirms the fleeting moments and instances that are life, and how beautiful that is. I don´t know what death will be like, and will probably not know for a very long time. So, Im gonna take my time here on this side for a while, and continue my journey softly and boldly.
Take care, yall...
chau chau
What a wild few weeks it has been. Last Sunday was mother´s day. It was a beautiful day, but for whatever reason, I had woken up in a sour mood. I had a dream about a friend the night before and realized how much I missed her. I made breakfast anyway, and was about to skype my mom and wish her a happy mother´s day, when I recieved a message from my dad telling me that my Grandmother had passed away. I read it a few times trying to make sence of it, and comprehend exactly what this meant. She had passed away, my dad and uncle were there, my mom and brother know, I now know, I am not there. I am here. Read it again. One more time, yes, yes it is real. Tears.
After the initial shock had worn off, tears seeped out of my internal reserve and flowed freely from me. My body enclosed itself around itself as if trying to squeeze the emotion out. After the sobbing subsided, I got in touch with my mom. We shared words and comfort. Soon after, my friend Peter came over to get money for the mattress my landlord bought from him. I gave him the money and we went up to the roof to hang. Peter immediately noticed, "ok, you are not happy, whats going on??" and when I told him the news,he immediately came to comfort me. He said beautiful words I will never forget "she´ll make you a strong woman, Celine". My roomates were all so wonderful as well, and full of hugs and nice words. Later, getting empenadas with Peter and eating them on a secret stairway overlooking the cerros of Valparaíso was a beautiful way to calm myself, and let my mind breathe.
Later on that day, I got in touch with my dad, and heard some great stories about my Grandmother that created nostalgic laughter. She was so witty, strong and sharp in mental and physical sentiments of the words. Her life I am sure was way different and crazier than anything I could have imagined, and will look forward to talking to her again someday in a different realm. Because she is gone physically, I know she is here spiritually, and am so thankful for that. After a night of good time spent with Peter and Margot, I felt whole again.
My Grandmother´s passing has brought many new sensations and I have been kneading this thought and idea of what it means to "take care". Take care of yourself. We say it as someone is leaving, or when giving advise or whatever. but how do we personify these wishes? My family and friends will often tell me to take care, and I will hear it without giving it proper respect. I still do little things that endanger me (little things like crossing the street without the proper sign, walking home alone, whatever...) and hardly realize, or realiseD (this is slowly working itself into the past tense) that taking care of myslef is also taking care of my family and friends.It would be devistating to everyone I love if something happened to me down here. Accidents happen, but how silly would it be if one day I decided not to wear my helmet or seatbelt, and joined my friends on the spiritual side??
I have been very blessed to have spent this time without anything bad happening,and now I am realizing that it is my responsibility to Take care of myself.
I will eat well and avoid illnesses, I will stay in good enough physical shape to avoid injuries. I do wear my bike helmet Every time I ride. I don´t get too involved in drinking or drugs, and do not do them often.
This is not only based off of personal choices, but also this great responsibility we have to Take Care of ourselves! We all have loved ones and family, and while we cannot control their actions or dispositions (my Grandmother was aged and had already lived a full, long life) we are only in control of ours. And we have to respect that. I CAN control how long my life lasts, and I know that freak accidents happen, but I also know theres a lot more shit to do before I cross over. Life happens, death happens, and in the meantime, take care.
Take care firstly of yourself, your personal relationship with YOU, and then others. Spread your light, and when it is dim, ask kindly for others to spread theirs. Give and recieve hugs with the same intention. Stay healthy and promote others to do the same. Take precautions! If you want to ride your skateboard 10000 mph down a hill, go for it. But wear a helmet! Live fully, wholly and well, and please know that everyone wants this of you. To be happy, live in the way you want to live, etc... But take care of yourself. Listen to your intuition, talk to your soul.
Do what you want to do and do it well, and may the sun rise upon you tomorrow. I have been to funerals for friends, and while it saddens me deeply, it also reaffirms the fleeting moments and instances that are life, and how beautiful that is. I don´t know what death will be like, and will probably not know for a very long time. So, Im gonna take my time here on this side for a while, and continue my journey softly and boldly.
Take care, yall...
chau chau
viernes, 7 de mayo de 2010
Gettin Down
Hello All!
Last night was really fun. After eating onces (like a pre-dinner) with my friend Noah, we went out with some of my roomates to a new bar called La Playa. There, we encountered Belly dancers, majicians and a really good live string band who all took turns performing throughout the night. The belly dancing was really fun to watch, as their costumes were so elaborate and movements so fluid! The majicians were pretty good (one definately better than the other) and the BAND! wooohooo! man, it was fun. It has been SO long since Ive heard some good ole string music. There was a violinist, bass guitarrist and two other guitars (maybe???) and they played songs as close to bluegrass as South America can get! haha. Naturally, the music moved us, and soon we were just Gettin Down in the bar dance floor. It was a hoot. I think a lot of people didnt really know what to do with the music, and therefore werent as into dancing as us, but, igual, it was a great vibe.
And speaking of great vibes....
MAN have I been feeling them lately! woo! I just feel good. It has been sunny and nice here the past couple of days, and today I rode my bike to Viña along the coast listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn which ruled. On the way back, I stoped for a reflective ocean sunset moment and thanked everything for all that I was seeing and experiencing at that exact moment. My new place, a new home, new ground and ocean.
...Also on the way home, I saw and chatted with a girl from my program. She was really upset because she had missed a volunteering session due to a bad migrane, and one of the organizers had kind of come down on her for not going. Being her first semester here, she was just really frusterated with not being able to communicate how she was feeling emotionally to her family here and the program organizers, etc... There was a moment where she "melted" and kind of began to cry, at which I gave her a big hug and nice words. Her moment passed, and we continued to chat about the difficulty of trying and explaining deep, complex emotions in another language. She got better, and eventually appologized for her momentary meltdown. I told her an appology was not necessiary.
Later, I was thinking about why we appologize for the very moments that make us human. If we bitch to a friend about something that happened, or talk about things that bother us or cry... We appologize, "ugh, sorry...". But why??
Ive noticed down here that people dont say "sorry" as much. It is more "excuse me, too bad, etc..." but not "sorry". Unless you do something bad. (vague, I know but I think Im losing a little writing steam here.....)
So anyways, maybe instead of appologizing for our emotions, we should just leave them alone. Leave them as they are. Maybe then we could express what really needs to be expressed. In any language.
Chau chau!
Last night was really fun. After eating onces (like a pre-dinner) with my friend Noah, we went out with some of my roomates to a new bar called La Playa. There, we encountered Belly dancers, majicians and a really good live string band who all took turns performing throughout the night. The belly dancing was really fun to watch, as their costumes were so elaborate and movements so fluid! The majicians were pretty good (one definately better than the other) and the BAND! wooohooo! man, it was fun. It has been SO long since Ive heard some good ole string music. There was a violinist, bass guitarrist and two other guitars (maybe???) and they played songs as close to bluegrass as South America can get! haha. Naturally, the music moved us, and soon we were just Gettin Down in the bar dance floor. It was a hoot. I think a lot of people didnt really know what to do with the music, and therefore werent as into dancing as us, but, igual, it was a great vibe.
And speaking of great vibes....
MAN have I been feeling them lately! woo! I just feel good. It has been sunny and nice here the past couple of days, and today I rode my bike to Viña along the coast listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn which ruled. On the way back, I stoped for a reflective ocean sunset moment and thanked everything for all that I was seeing and experiencing at that exact moment. My new place, a new home, new ground and ocean.
...Also on the way home, I saw and chatted with a girl from my program. She was really upset because she had missed a volunteering session due to a bad migrane, and one of the organizers had kind of come down on her for not going. Being her first semester here, she was just really frusterated with not being able to communicate how she was feeling emotionally to her family here and the program organizers, etc... There was a moment where she "melted" and kind of began to cry, at which I gave her a big hug and nice words. Her moment passed, and we continued to chat about the difficulty of trying and explaining deep, complex emotions in another language. She got better, and eventually appologized for her momentary meltdown. I told her an appology was not necessiary.
Later, I was thinking about why we appologize for the very moments that make us human. If we bitch to a friend about something that happened, or talk about things that bother us or cry... We appologize, "ugh, sorry...". But why??
Ive noticed down here that people dont say "sorry" as much. It is more "excuse me, too bad, etc..." but not "sorry". Unless you do something bad. (vague, I know but I think Im losing a little writing steam here.....)
So anyways, maybe instead of appologizing for our emotions, we should just leave them alone. Leave them as they are. Maybe then we could express what really needs to be expressed. In any language.
Chau chau!
sábado, 1 de mayo de 2010
May
Hello all,
For whatever reason, I remember the 1st of May last year very clearly. It was raining,and I was in such high spirits that I was singing and wishing everybody on campus a "HAPPY MAY!!".May has always been one of my favorite months. Becides the fact (or maybe because of it) that my birthday is this month, I always associate it with nice weather, school getting out, and summer getting in. Oh summer! May changes the seasons, brings a new year to my life, and usually new breath and air to whatever it is I need to have aired out.
This May will hopefully not be any different. It will be colder, sure, but it is also the enterance into another season. And as my time here in this other place is slowly wrapping its fingers around me to carry me up there, I think- what WILL this month be? What do I want from it??
I met a new artist friend, so Id like to get into some more artsy things.... And well, just enjoy my time here. I have spent a lot of days here happy, sad, missing home and never wanting to go back. So now, this season, I am just going to love. Love the minutes, love the days, love the feezing weather, love. It all. Love it all. And experience it. I think sometimes I (we)may stop or slow ourselves down from loving because we know it may hurt when that thing we once loved may no longer be there. We push away friends, lovers (guilty), exeriences for fear that if we love it too deeply, we may just fall forever, and never come out the other side the same as when we came in. But isnt that the point? To change?? How can we, as feeling beings, not want to truly feel something for fear that it May, in fact change us in the end? I know leaving this place will cause me great sorrow, but I know the great joy I have felt here will balance it out. Grateful I am to be able to feel it all. Good and "bad" the highs and lows of everything, everyday. And it will only continue. I will miss Chile, but it will go on. I will go on.
So May, bring it. Light, night, happy sad, whatever. I will love you. I will let myself love you, deeply and without holding back. Thank you, I love you.
Love love love.
thats all.
Chau!
For whatever reason, I remember the 1st of May last year very clearly. It was raining,and I was in such high spirits that I was singing and wishing everybody on campus a "HAPPY MAY!!".May has always been one of my favorite months. Becides the fact (or maybe because of it) that my birthday is this month, I always associate it with nice weather, school getting out, and summer getting in. Oh summer! May changes the seasons, brings a new year to my life, and usually new breath and air to whatever it is I need to have aired out.
This May will hopefully not be any different. It will be colder, sure, but it is also the enterance into another season. And as my time here in this other place is slowly wrapping its fingers around me to carry me up there, I think- what WILL this month be? What do I want from it??
I met a new artist friend, so Id like to get into some more artsy things.... And well, just enjoy my time here. I have spent a lot of days here happy, sad, missing home and never wanting to go back. So now, this season, I am just going to love. Love the minutes, love the days, love the feezing weather, love. It all. Love it all. And experience it. I think sometimes I (we)may stop or slow ourselves down from loving because we know it may hurt when that thing we once loved may no longer be there. We push away friends, lovers (guilty), exeriences for fear that if we love it too deeply, we may just fall forever, and never come out the other side the same as when we came in. But isnt that the point? To change?? How can we, as feeling beings, not want to truly feel something for fear that it May, in fact change us in the end? I know leaving this place will cause me great sorrow, but I know the great joy I have felt here will balance it out. Grateful I am to be able to feel it all. Good and "bad" the highs and lows of everything, everyday. And it will only continue. I will miss Chile, but it will go on. I will go on.
So May, bring it. Light, night, happy sad, whatever. I will love you. I will let myself love you, deeply and without holding back. Thank you, I love you.
Love love love.
thats all.
Chau!
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